Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
