It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
