What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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