My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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