I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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