the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
