This dress was meant to end up on your floor
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
