Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
