This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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