don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths