Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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