No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.