My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.