How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.