I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
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Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...