Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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