You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
