You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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