did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Randomize
