Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
