Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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