What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
