I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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