I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
