Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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