So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i out mim tonsoeep
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