Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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