you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
