Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
