so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
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I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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