yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
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There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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