there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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