this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
