I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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