It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
