he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
