the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
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