Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
nutella sex= disaster
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
