You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
