I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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