is your mom at the bar?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
