You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
