"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
