I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
