Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
