Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
