I can tuck mytits in my pants
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
