I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
