How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
