Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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