you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize