omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
