i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
