Just cropdusted the office
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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