I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
She bit a glass in half.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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