exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Randomize
