My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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