Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Randomize
