goodnight i made you a song goodbye
you guys were way drunker than both of me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
