I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
