??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
