apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
