i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
