I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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