So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
