I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
