WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
