It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
