too bad you live with your parents still
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
