Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
