I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
