wrigley field is MILF paradise
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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