one word: firstdatebathroomanal
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
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