you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
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