White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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